Don't trade clutter for clutter: spring cleaning emotional clutter

One afternoon several years ago I was sitting in the sun out on the deck with my cordless phone, a roll of tape, a chopstick, and my daughter's blaze orange hooded sweatshirt. I was trying to rethread the cord back into the hood. This process just about exceeded my small sewing skills. So this is what I "do all day." It felt trivial, but I knew it would matter to my eleven-year old when she came home from school in an hour. 

I was a little bit surprised that I was being kind to myself by allowing myself to perform this task outside in the spring sunshine. Why can't we be kinder to ourselves more often? Go sit outside. How hard is that?

Maybe I felt I had earned a reward. Earlier that day, I looked at houses  with a realtor. It was a discouraging depressing process. I couldn't help noticing other peoples' clutter. Everyone seemed to have a lot of it. I was discouraged when I learned how little I could get for my money. Trade offs. Trade offs. Trade offs. Cheap millwork, dark paint jobs, abused sheetrock, and ugly wallpaper... 

Was it time to move? Would trading one box with a view for another box with a different view be an improvement? Pay the realtors and the closers and the movers. Pay more. Get less? What was the point?

I think I felt a need for change. I think that is part of human nature. Would we move? Right then, I didn't know. Would a different house be a better house? 

I thought when I came home that I would feel better when I saw our house. All I saw, sadly, were the well-known flaws in our existing house and an eleven-week -old puppy that had been left in her crate all morning. More parental guilt. That was another reason I was outside working on the sweatshirt--for the dog's sake, so she could be outside. So much for taking care of myself.

Do you ever have days where nothing seems quite right? Maybe you don't like the clothes you put on this morning. Maybe you changed clothes and still don't feel quite right. Nothing satisfies. Spring is in the air. Spring is the season of change. Will change, just for the sake of changing, fix anything? If you are having one of those days, here are my suggestions:

• Go sit outside.
• Contemplate the pros and cons of the change.
• Above all: Don't change anything when you are having a bad day.
  
  
  
  
  
  Change for change's sake isn't change for your sake. You deserve better. What do you do when you feel like this?

Emotional Clutter Clearing: Perspective!

Wow. People tend to be anxious and stress out a lot in anticipation of events. I get pretty wound up anticipating future events. As a new author, I have had opportunities for talks and radio interviews and television appearances. These are all positive things but they are stressful, even for someone who speaks to earn part of her living. They are new and different and unknown. I worry, "Will they like me?" "Will I do it right?" "Will the roads be icey?" The list goes on and on.

Here are three thoughts that help me clear this emotional clutter, or, at least manage it a little better. Let me know what you think.

"I'll see you later." Or, "I'll see you this evening." When someone I love says this to me, I realize, "Yes! No matter how well or poorly the stuff I am anticipating goes today, I will be with this person later. Time will pass. The stress for that day's particular event will be over, and life will go on." I hang onto comments like that because they help me maintain perspective.

Another helpful realization for me involves a little bit of risk assessment. I can get pretty wound up about a lot of things that don't really matter. If I mess up the event, what does that do? Does my family disappear? Do my dogs stop loving me? Does the rest of my world even wobble? Usually the answer is no.

Finally, there  something else that helps me keep perspective. It is this: I stop at my skin. I can't control other people's actions or reactions or the weather or any of a great number of things that I worry about in my life. When I remember that, I can use that to help myself let go of the emotional clutter I am carrying. The book that talks about that is Taming Your Gremlin (Revised Edition): A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson. The author says,  "Remember where you end and all else begins."

Perspective. Keeping perspective can help reduce the emotional clutter and free up your time, energy, and enthusiasm for other things!

Emotional Clutter: Stress, Holiday stress

Too busy, too little time. I'll never get it all done "in time." My mind goes in ten directions at once. These thoughts can create emotional clutter in the form of stress, especially during the holiday season. Stress doesn't feel good. It makes the stomach roll and the head hurt. It wears people down.

Is there a cure for holiday stress? For me, I need to drop the perfectionism. The holidays will come and things will be "good enough." Good enough is just fine. Maybe I can drop the self-torture of perfectionism. It will be a smaller and simpler celebration at our house this year. I am going to try to take a deep breath, or several, and slow it down.

What about a little self care during this busy time? Humm? What would that look like? I think it looks a little different for each of us. Maybe it would be worth thinking about and implementing a little self care. Mine, today, looks like this: coffee and conversation with a dear friend, even though technically I don't "have time." And, flannel sheets! I installed the flannel sheets on the bed this morning. We live in a cold climate, and, with an unusually warm November, I hadn't taken care of this yet. These fresh, warm,  cuddly sheets give me something to look forward to all day!

Maybe you could give yourself the gift of self care today too? What helps you manage the emotional clutter of holiday stress?