Cancer Survivorship Tools: Practical Tips and Inspiration for Emotional Well-being | Houston Style Magazine | Urban Weekly Newspaper Publication Website

Cancer Survivorship Tools: Practical Tips and Inspiration for Emotional Well-being | Houston Style Magazine | Urban Weekly Newspaper Publication Website

Winter Clutter Clearing Motivation

During the holidays when it is cold out and the snow may be piled high at the end of the driveway, it is a great time to get motivated to get rid of clutter and get organized. This can be an introspective time of year. As long as we are spending more time in our homes right now, why not make them as pleasant and nurturing for ourselves and our guests as possible?

One winter I found motivation in Donna Smallin's book Organizing Plain & Simple (Storey Publishing, North Adams, MA, 2002).  Her book motivated me to get back to the basics. A good way to get started is to read a new-to-you clutter clearing and home organizing book or reread a favorite. Donna Smallin's book is well organized and concise. You can work through your home with her room by room as you read each chapter. Or, you can use her Table of Contents or Index to quickly get ideas to tackle specific concerns like kids' rooms or home offices.

What helps to motivate clutter clearing besides books? Take a field trip to an organizing store. Seeing the products that are out there might motivate you to go home and deal with some of your clutter. Please don't buy anything, though, until you've gotten rid of the clutter and you know exactly what you need to organize the rest.

For another motivator, try a reward. Preferably not shopping to bring more clutter home to organize...But, how about a new organizing product, a movie, or a massage or pedicure? By taking care of your home, you are taking care of everyone else who lives there, so it is fair to reward yourself too.

Another way to motivate yourself is to plan a dinner or a party in your home. This creates a deadline for you to take care of that clutter. Some of us work better with a little pressure. If that is your style, go for it! If that isn't your style, skip the stress.

Getting help could also motivate you. Enlist children, spouse, partner, friend, or professional organizer (www.napo.net is the website to find members of the National Association of Professional Organizers). If you know someone is coming to help you, you are going to be more likely to make some progress.

You could also try to motivate yourself with the "just do it" technique. Get rid of the perfectionism and procrastination. Set the timer for fifteen minutes and tackle something. Many tasks aren't as difficult as we make them in our heads, and they don't take as long to do as we think they will either. Every little step can help make your home more comfortable and free up your time and energy for other things.

Remember that clutter clearing and home organizing is a process--not a "once and done" activity. The contents of any home are a function of the season, your life stage, and your current hobbies and interests. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does get better little by little. You can do this! Be stubborn. Keep going even when mistakes happen or things backslide and back up on you. Who is going to win here? You or your stuff? You are, of course!

Simplify Holiday Gift Giving

I come from the tradition of Christmas, but I believe these ideas can apply to many holiday traditions. If you have children, grandchildren, nieces, or nephews, is Christmas or other holidays a time of “giving” or “gimmes”? Do your children point excitedly to every toy commercial or compile long wish lists as they page through holiday toy catalogs and newspaper advertising circulars? Does your teenager yearn for an expensive article of clothing or maybe even a stereo or a computer?  How can we help our holidays mean more for our families and children than a brief, sometimes expensive, feeding frenzy of presents under the Christmas tree? Here are a few suggestions to help get children and adults get past the “seasonal gimmes.”

First, children and adults could draw family member names from a bowl and be a Secret Santa for someone for a few days just before Christmas. Once or twice a day they can come up with a simple gift or service to perform for this person. It can be anonymous or not. This thought process can dramatically change everyone’s mental focus because it requires them to think about how to give rather than to receive.

Provide some craft supplies and ideas so family members can make some gifts for others. These can be simple gifts from the heart: Decorate a plain picture frame, or make a decoupage plate. Apply glue and glitter to a plain glass ball Christmas ornament. Turn a small plain wooden box into a personalized jewelry box for someone by painting it and putting their name on the lid. Everyone will be more involved in giving a present if they have a personal investment of time and effort to make it.

Consider giving older children a small holiday allowance and take them holiday shopping. They can learn to plan and budget as they shop for others. It may be appropriate for them to spend a portion of their own savings too. Shopping this way is a good way for children to begin to learn money management skills.

Include children in any service projects you undertake as a family. Here are some ideas: Buy toys with the children to donate to families in need. Adopt a person or family in the community for the holidays. Find out what your family could bring to a nearby hospital or nursing home. Give gifts of time and help like errand running or meal preparations to someone who is homebound. Include someone who may be alone for the holidays in your own family’s day. Make it an annual tradition with this person!  If you decide to make monetary donations to a charity, children can participate proportionately too.

Give children and other family members tasks to help with holiday preparations. Perhaps they can help decorate, bake, clean house, wrap gifts, make phone calls, make place cards, or set the table. They will be more committed to making the holiday itself a success if they have been involved in the preparations.

As you shop for children in the family, consider how many gifts they may get, not just from parents, but also from grandparents, other relatives, and friends. If you are a parent, consider keeping track of what your children receive from others this year in your holiday notes folder. As you look back on your notes next year and see how much they received from others, it may help to prevent you from buying too much for them next year.

Following that line of thought, how many gifts “should” children get for holidays or birthdays?  This topic is a little like discussing our annual salary or our religion with people. We don’t talk about the quantity and expense of our gift giving behaviors with others very much. Maybe we could. I have heard of three modest approaches out there that I suspect aren’t typical.

One family I know simply gets each child one gift. They regularly exchange with large families on both sides, so they feel that more than one gift from parents is just too much. They do try to figure out the one gift each child most desires that year and, if possible, find that gift for her.

Another family limits themselves to three gifts per child. Each year they try to find a practical gift (clothing, an item for the child’s bedroom, or something that is a need rather than a want), a fun gift  (a toy or something else the child wants), and a spiritual gift (perhaps a spiritually oriented book, video, or tape).

A third family breaks their gifts into five skill or play categories. They might get each child one gift in the following categories:  a project that requires fine motor skills (like a modeling kit or a bead kit), a game that requires gross motor skills (a basket ball or ice skates), a “lovey” (a stuffed animal or a doll), an item for creativity (a craft kit or art supplies), and a book for reading skills and enjoyment.

Manage children’s expectations about their own gifts. Be up front with children about gift quantity or cost restrictions. One mom I know sets a dollar limit and advises their children that they can request one expensive thing or several smaller items within this amount. Help children to anticipate and to enjoy and yet also to be realistic. Remind them whose birthday it is. A fun family activity could be to make a birthday cake for Jesus.

I know the most important gift I can give to my children will never be found under the Christmas tree. It is the gift of time—time spent talking to them, reading with them, helping them with homework, and also playing with them with their new Christmas toys. Finally, my best gift of time to them is time spent showing them by my actions, not just my words, that it really is more important to give than to receive. Am I there yet?  No, but I am working on it!  Best wishes to you and your family for a simple and joyous holiday season.

 

Reclaim & Simplify Your Holiday Season

October sort of kicks off the holiday season. It can be a fun time, a busy time, even a stressful time. Author News: I turned in my author final draft of Cancer Survivorship Coping Tools: We’ll get you through this to my publisher! Now I am working on related materials to support the new book which I hope will be a helpful resource for people diagnosed with cancer.

Reclaim & Simplify Your Holiday Season

How is your fall? The start of the holiday season sort of begins in the fall with Halloween—followed rapidly by Thanksgiving, and Christmas/All traditions, and then New Years. Do you like the “busyness” or do you feel stressed for several months? If “busyness” is what it has turned into for you, try these thoughts to reclaim your holidays.

My holidays aren’t perfect. I wouldn’t know how to tell anybody else how to have the perfect Halloween, Thanksgiving or any other holiday. We all have different goals, desires, and abilities. We all are at different life stages and have different family situations. Sometimes a family consists not of people that are related but people who have adopted each other in life. To improve and simplify your holidays, I have a few general suggestions.

First, take holiday notes from year to year. Write down what you spent (yes, this is a sneaky way to say “budget”). Write down what you liked about what you did for the holiday, and write down what you would and wouldn’t do again (yes, this a sneaky way to say “goal setting” and to prevent repeating past things that didn’t work well). Keep a holiday folder with holiday notes from year to year.

For Halloween, I keep a count of the number of children who come by each year so that I don’t buy too much or too little candy. My waistline doesn’t need the leftovers! Let’s just call it what it is “body clutter.” I also use the same decorations from year to year because it is traditional and frugal for our family to do it this way.

Second, do what you want to do for each holiday based on what your talents are and aren’t. I am not a seamstress and I am frugal. Halloween costumes have been hand-me-downs, items purchased at garage sales, and household stuff that my children have applied their own creativity to use.

Next, develop traditions for the seasons and holidays that fit for you and your family. Each holiday is your holiday and your family’s. Talk to other family members. Ask what they like and don’t like about each holiday as it rolls around. Find out what aspects they look forward to enjoying and what aspects of each holiday that they dread. These will give you some good clues about how to simplify each holiday.

Finally, whatever you do for any upcoming holiday, do it because you want to do it. If you are doing things because you feel you “should” or because you “ought to” or because you need to keep up with the neighbors, these activities are not genuine and there will be little satisfaction from them for you or for your family.

Sometimes in our desire to get it perfect and do the right thing, we forget to have fun and we forget the reason for the holiday. It isn’t about the stuff. “Perfect” decorations and “perfect” food aren’t what make holidays special. We forget the meaning of the holidays.

Simplify all your holidays by taking and keeping notes for each one. Cut out what doesn’t work for you and your family. Create your holidays using the skills and abilities you and your family have, rather than beating yourself up for things you can’t or prefer not to do. By doing this, you can create simple holidays that fit joyfully for you and your family.

A Simple & Unique Gift Idea: Shari's Berries

Whether it is a holiday, birthday, or other occasion to give a gift, we all struggle at times for a simple solution. I recently received a gift card to review Shari's Berries and agreed to disclose this. That said, I was very happy with my purchase. The dipped strawberries were attractively packaged and very delicious. If you are tired of sending flowers or candy, this is a nice choice. Shari's Berries has many choices in a variety of prices and flavor selections. In terms of quantity to order, I would keep in mind that strawberries are only at their best for a few days, so ordering, say, two dozen, for one person, wouldn't make sense unless you know they will use them for entertaining. Frugality always makes sense, and you can click this link for coupons . Enjoy!

Interview with an expert organizer

-->

June Cleaver, from the television series Leave It to Beaver, doesn’t live here anymore, but many years ago I married a man whose mother could sure have given June a run for her money. In fact, back in the sixties, my mother-in-law, who raised three boys, was nominated for Suburban Homemaker of the Year of St. Paul, Minnesota. Her home was described as “a model of neatness and comfort.” No kidding. For years this has been scary, motivating, and intriguing to me. I wondered: How can I ever keep as nice a home?  Gosh, I had better get my act together. And, most important, how did she do it? I finally got the courage to ask her and this is what I learned.

Laundry practices were first on my list of questions because my husband still speaks longingly of his childhood underwear drawer, always magically tidy and full. Did she do laundry all the time?  Many people who attend my clutter control classes say they are constantly doing laundry. My mother-in-law said no. She did laundry on Mondays and Thursdays. She used bleach alternate times on her whites, so whites would stay white without getting holes in them. She put a fabric sheet in every dryer load so things wouldn’t have static and stick together.

How often were sheets and towels changed? (Do you ever wonder how often other people really do this?) My mother-in-law washed towels every time she did laundry, and sheets got changed once per week and washed on a laundry day. How about the rest of the bedding? The beds got stripped down, and everything on the beds got washed, and the mattresses were turned in the spring and in the fall. She demonstrated how to neatly fold a fitted sheet by tucking the corners into each other, smoothing the sheet flat, and then folding it neatly. Cool.

With three boys and a dog, she must have dusted and vacuumed constantly? No. She said she dusted and vacuumed once per week unless there was a specific mess that needed to be cleaned up. Did she move the furniture every time? No, she only moved it once in a while. Did she clean the baseboards and curtains every time? No. She did a thorough room-by-room cleaning once each spring and fall. What about windows?  They got cleaned every six months, including the storms and the screens.

Did she empty closets out all the time? No. She would just cull out extra stuff in closets when she was in them. She didn’t empty out the closets at all. Most toys were kept in a central spot downstairs. I am guessing this helped keep the bedrooms tidier and easier to straighten.

Maybe the kitchen and bathroom were getting cleaned all the time? Did she spend all her time mopping? No. These rooms got scrubbed down once a week. As a little preventative maintenance, she did quickly swish out the tub each time. The toilet, tub, and the rest of the bathroom got cleaned weekly.

Did she have special cleaning products that did a better job than anyone else’s? No. She used a solution of one-part vinegar to three-parts water for cleaning glass mirrors and windows. She used an over-the-counter product in the kitchen, a spray product for soap scum, and a clinging product for the toilet bowls. She liked non-sudsing ammonia in water for general cleaning. After wiping down fixtures, this same water would be used to mop the bathroom and kitchen floors. It was a simple effective system, and it didn’t waste cleaning water either.

What was I learning? There were no astounding discoveries here, but I began to see a pattern. My mother-in-law had very thorough organizational habits. Also, almost every time I asked a cleaning question, her answer included “unless there was something more important going on that day.” Keeping a clean house was important, but it was clear that people and activities came first. She wasn’t one to waste time lingering over partially completed tasks. When I asked about laundry, she said, “If I’m getting tied down doing laundry, I might as well get it done and over with.”

Her secrets to nice housekeeping didn’t include fanatically frequent cleaning schedules or special mystery cleaning products. She had developed regular routines, including a twice-per-year system for those nagging big projects. I often waste time pondering and worrying about some of the big cleaning jobs instead of just doing them. I think it would be very freeing to establish a better weekly schedule and to practice a twice-per-year spring and fall deep cleaning schedule.

If I know I am going to do laundry on Thursdays, I don’t have to think about it the other six days of the week. If I mark down a couple weeks twice a year on my calendar for the big projects, I can quit fretting about them the rest of the year. Maybe I can simplify my own housekeeping by following my mother-in-law’s lead of sticking to a few reasonable household cleaning habits. Ultimately, we each have different lives and circumstances, so we each get to find what works best. This is one approach.

New Year's Resolutions

Could we stare the American Dream to “have it all” in the face and say “not so fast?”  Do we shoot for working on everything and then wind up with nothing? Instead of a dozen good intentions, focus on one or two resolutions.

Think about broad life goal areas (spiritual, relationship, career, community service, financial, social, personal, and health). What goal areas are your highest priority? Create one or two resolutions from these. Stop at only one or two so you can remember them, focus on them, and get them done. Stop repeating the same well-intentioned resolutions year after year.

Carefully design your resolutions: Make them specific, measurable, and doable. If I resolve to lose weight or spend more time on personal development, I have to be clear about how it will happen. Better resolutions might be: I will lose fifteen pounds by May 1^st, and I will take two personal retreats this year. Clear goals are easier to track, measure, and achieve.

Finally, make resolutions that excite you! If you aren’t thrilled to accomplish these resolutions, what’s the point? If you merely pick resolutions from your “should do” list or use items that society’s expectations have foisted onto you, how far will you get? Where is your passion? Don’t you feel more fulfilled when you spend time working on what you really love?

If a resolution isn’t intrinsically motivating, consider creating an exciting reward for yourself for achieving it. Withhold the treat until you achieve your resolution. Put time and thought into your reward so it is truly special for you, not something you already periodically enjoy. Make the resolution, the reward, or both a passion for you.

If New Year’s resolutions are simple—limited to one or two, clearly defined, and personally exciting, we have a better shot at making them finally happen. When we get them done, we can pick something new for next year!

What don't you do for the holidays?

This can be a stressful time of year. It is busy and hectic, and sometimes we get caught in the perfectionism of the season. We want to keep up with Martha Stewart or a beautiful magazine cover or unrealistic expectations, or something else. I am NOT Martha. Here I am just hoping for a nice loving time with my family.

I am trying to drop the holiday perfectionism. I hope you consider joining me here. Here is a list of some of what I won't be doing this year, and I hope you add your ideas too!

I won't be making home-made gifts.
I won't be sending Christmas cards.
I won't be buying as many presents.
I won't be making all my Christmas cookies.
I won't be wrapping lots of little stocking gifts.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Organize your books! A home library? Yes!

I still like books. I have an electronic reader, but I still like books, bookmarks, highlighting, and even the occasional bent page. When it comes to household clutter, my home library is still a weak spot for me. Books are good to have, but like anything, you can enjoy and utilize them better if they are organized.

First, consider how you use books. The organizing system you choose will work best if it fits your own style. Where do you read? In the bedroom? The family room? Somewhere else? And, how do you read? Do you read for entertainment or for information? Most books fit broadly into those two simple categories. Do you reread books or not?

Second, based on the answers to these questions, make informed choices about what books you keep and where you store them. I reread very few books, just a few favorites that I have kept over the years. Most of my home library is reference rather than entertainment based. If you read, but don't reread entertainment books, consider passing them on promptly when you are done rather than storing them. Also, keep in mind that some reference books rapidly become dated. If you have reference books, consider storing them close to the activity that pertains to these books. This might mean cookbooks in the kitchen and hobby books close to your hobby supplies.

Finally, consider organizing the books you keep. This means having or creating adequate shelving that allows for display and grow room too. If you can't see what you own (hidden in boxes tucked away somewhere), you don't own it. Entertainment books can be sorted by genre and author for easy access. Reference books can be sorted by activity. Categories might include travel, cooking, grammar, maybe photo albums...When books are visible and organized, your home library is organized and ready for you!

How do you organize your books? What categories of books do you have?

Simplify Your Fall! - KRDU 1130AM - Your Inspiration Station

Barbara Tako #2 - KRDU 1130AM - Your Inspiration Station: "The 'Clutter Clearing Choices' lady is back with tips on how to unclutter our lives as a new school year begins!"

Life Balance: It isn't all about the clutter either

In light of being a recent breast cancer survivor and probably just naturally as I age, I realize it isn't all about clutter clearing, even for me, maybe especially for me. I start to look at clutter more philosophically. If it (the clutter) isn't interfering with the important aspects of my life like my faith and relationships, then is it something that really needs to take my time and energy to weed out or organize? Maybe as I get older, I am just slower or maybe I am working a little smarter. I start to ask better questions, I think, to keep my life in balance.

As I look around my home, I ask myself:

1. Do I need to weed it out or organize it right now, or is there something more important I could be doing right now?

2. What is the worst thing that will happen if I just walk away from it right now?

3. Is the clutter interfering with the lives and happiness of the people who live here, or is it just hanging out right now?

Life is about staying in balance and making good choices. If the answers to the above questions are "No. Nothing. And, no." then I may be more in balance to continue with my life flow than to stop and deal with the clutter.

Clutter can wait, but maybe my life and relationships can't. In the end, life is a marathon rather than a sprint, and the joy is in the moments of the journey. How do you balance living life with organizing and clutter clearing it? 

In the dog days of summer, just keep swimming

It is 7:10 a.m. and I already feel behind. It is probably more of a feeling than a reality, but it isn't fun. To get past this, I recite what Dory from the Disney movie Nemo would say, "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

I get dressed, straighten things up (fairly superficially), check e-mail, move laundry... These are all activities that help me push the reset button on my home and gradually restore that illusory sensation of "being in control." Now it is off to exercise.

When life (or clutter) overwhelms, I find it helpful to "just keep swimming." I try to move myself forward. What do you do to move past being overwhelmed?