I was a little bit surprised that I was being kind to myself by allowing myself to perform this task outside in the spring sunshine. Why can't we be kinder to ourselves more often? Go sit outside. How hard is that?
Maybe I felt I had earned a reward. Earlier that day, I looked at houses with a realtor. It was a discouraging depressing process. I couldn't help noticing other peoples' clutter. Everyone seemed to have a lot of it. I was discouraged when I learned how little I could get for my money. Trade offs. Trade offs. Trade offs. Cheap millwork, dark paint jobs, abused sheetrock, and ugly wallpaper...
Was it time to move? Would trading one box with a view for another box with a different view be an improvement? Pay the realtors and the closers and the movers. Pay more. Get less? What was the point?
I think I felt a need for change. I think that is part of human nature. Would we move? Right then, I didn't know. Would a different house be a better house?
I thought when I came home that I would feel better when I saw our house. All I saw, sadly, were the well-known flaws in our existing house and an eleven-week -old puppy that had been left in her crate all morning. More parental guilt. That was another reason I was outside working on the sweatshirt--for the dog's sake, so she could be outside. So much for taking care of myself.
Do you ever have days where nothing seems quite right? Maybe you don't like the clothes you put on this morning. Maybe you changed clothes and still don't feel quite right. Nothing satisfies. Spring is in the air. Spring is the season of change. Will change, just for the sake of changing, fix anything? If you are having one of those days, here are my suggestions:
- Go sit outside.
- Contemplate the pros and cons of the change.
- Above all: Don't change anything when you are having a bad day.
Change for change's sake isn't change for your sake. You deserve better. What do you do when you feel like this?